Breaking the Storm
by Wierdowithagun
Summary: "Why Itachi? Why is it raining?" Kisaita Superangst. A kinda-sorta request, but you can still read it. Itachi POV


Breaking the storm

It's always raining.

Sometimes I can't remember what the sun looks like, even if I stare right into it. It's never storming, there is only the lone, calm, unending rain.

If there ever was a sun then I don't know where it went. It's said to be bright and beautiful, that it lights the darkness and keeps you warm. But I'm cold, everything is bleak and hold as much beauty as a corpse.

I have given and given until there is nothing left. I am empty, I have no feeling anymore. I am numb and void and have all but died.

I'm not above being shallow because wading to the depths will drown you. Especially in my case. Humans have needs and I'm not above filling them, even if it's a useless attempt to convince myself I'm not completly dead.

No one can understand, because I won't let them. Because I don't want them to. I don't want friendship, I don't want love. It only clutters things. We give each other what we want and you can just be on your way.

But... him. He won't leave.

I have been cruel, unjustfiabley so, to him. And he won't go. He just looks at me. We spend eternity just looking, me glaring and him... just... just looking.

I can't understand it. I tell him it's raining, when the sun is so clearly out. He doesn't disagree, he does not ignore me, there is no eye-rolling or scoffing or any of the sort.

"It's raining again..." I'll say.

And he just looks. He looks so long and I can't think of what he's looking at or for. The others laugh, they think I'm being cute. Or they look at me odd. Some will just agree and hurry to leave. But not this one. He has stayed for so long, days... weeks... I'm not sure, everything blurred together long ago. All I know is I go to sleep next to him, as with them all, but when I wake up he's still there. He's there the next night and still the next morning.

I've told him it's raining and he just stares. He looks at me with eyes so black and deep that I should be afraid but I'm not. Fear is for the living.

And finally he blinks and asks.

"Why is it raining, Itachi?"

I can't reply. Not ever.

Maybe I take it as a personal challenge, to find a way to answer him. It confused me at first, but I shrugged it off. He would not understand, and I'm not giving him the chance. There is no reason for him to understand, even if he wanted to.

Because it's always raining, All I ever have to do is say it aloud and the challenge comes forward again.

"Why, Itachi? Why is it raining?"

And I'm left speechless once more.

It becomes a game, maybe. With each round I get more and more distressed. Why does he keep asking this when I never answer? Why is he still here? He's degrading me, 'He thinks I'm stupid!' I tell myself. But I can't believe it, because he doesn't disagree, or scoff at me.

He just looks.

He studies me.

He blinks once and tilts his head so slightly that I think he didn't move at all, but he did.

And he asks why.

Why is it raining, why?

And he always says my name.

And I hate it but I don't. I lay awake at night with him snoring gently beside me, a familiar stranger that showed up and refuses to disappear. A shadow with a mind of it's own. Always there, never intruding, but watching, looking at me.

I turn to look at him sometimes and I ask without words "Why are you still here?"

His eyes are closed now and it's easier to think.

"You mean nothing." I whisper while he snores. "You are not mine and I'm not yours."

"Leave." I say, "Like everyone else. Leave."

But he's always there, standing in my rain, looking at me. Just looking. And asking, "Itachi..." in that deep voice that is so sturdy and thick I could wrap myself in it, still looking, always staring, searching. "Why is it raining?"

Every day now we play this game. Every day it is raining, and I let it be known, though the grass is dead from drought. And every day I remain silent, he has the last word. Every day I feel something tighten inside me, like some cord holding me together is being twisted further with each passing of this challenge.

I'm going to fall apart if he doesn't leave soon. If I can't answer him soon. I can feel it, my soul is dead but my mind is going to follow, and so will my body.

Another morning passes, and another. He's just woken up when I've been up for hours, he slips his white shirt back on from last night and comes to sit beside me at the window.

But he pauses, because I turn. He has never stopped before, and he looks at me differently today. As a warning, he's concerned? It's a waste, and I say it anyway.

"It's raining."

And so does he, not missing a sigle beat. But his question is slower this tim, as if cautious, preparing himself. He knows he's going to break me. He knows I'll die and then he will finally leave.

"Why is it raining, Itachi?"

"It's always raining." I finally snap back at him. After I've said it for the 40th time and for the 40th time he's asked why. I don't care, I can't care. I just want him to go. It hurts, he keeps making me hurt and I don't want it anymore. He wants somethig from me but there is nothing left but my life and he won't stop until I'm gone entirely.

"It is always, ALWAYS RAINING!" Suddenly I'm shouting. I rise from my position as the snap of what I can only assume is my sanity gives way. I'm standing and shouting and suddenly my vision is clouded and my eyes are stinging and the only thing Ican think is that it's STILL RAINING!

"IT'S RAINING BECAUSE IT ALWAYS RAINS AND IT NEVER STOPS! YOU DON'T ASK WHY, YOU DON'T FUCKING ASK WHY IT RAINS IT JUST RAINS AND RAINS AND RAINS!"

I watch, almost detached from myself as he comes closer and a hand suddenly reaches out to hit him and I realize that I'm attacking him now and I... I can't stop.

"IT WON'T EVER STOP. NO MATTER HOW YOU BEG OR PRAY OR HOPE! IT JUST KEEPS GOING AND GOING AND STILL FUCKING GOING!"

My chest and my eyes are on fire and I'm vaugley aware at how angry I am. The cord is gone and I'm bleeding, I'm bleeding everywhere and it's flooding my insides and drowning me. I can't see and I can't think and it's all I can do to keep striking at him. I will not let him kill me again. I am dead enough, and I will kill him first.

"It's ALWAYS raining you stupid useless piece of shit! It always has and it always will and it will NEVER STOP! "

I can't move then and I'm thrashing around trying to get away from the presence suddenly so close. He's caught me and he pulls me in. I can't get away, I can't get away. He's going to drag me in and kill me just like the others. The ones who left, the ones who killed me and left.

He won't let go, he needs to let me go, he needs to leave, WHY WON'T HE LEAVE?!

"You're too close!" I snarl at him, yanking and twisting and trying to get away. "Get away! Go away and leave me alone! I hate you! I FUCKING HATE YOU JUST LEAVELEAVELEAVELEAVELEAVE!"

But he's even closer now and I keep fighting and crying and thrashing and soon he's suffocating me and I can't breathe. I'm choking and crying and struggling and gasping for air.

I'm dying.

I'm dying even though I'm already dead.

And that's why it's raining. Because today was my funeral, and so was yesterday and the day before. It's raining because I'm not alive. Because I can't live, because it hurts. It hurts to live.

But... It doesn't hurt, I realize.

Why? Where did it go? Where is that ache in my chest? Where is the despair, the hopelessness, the dark abyss that used to be my heart... Where is the flood? I was bleeding so badly and drowning but I can breathe...

My head hurts and my eyes hurt and my wrists hurt and my throat hurts, but the inside... The feeling of not feeling anything. It's not there, it's not empty...

I'm warm, I'm so warm right now and I'm still crying but I'm not struggling. I can hear a heart, and someones breathing into my hair.

I know that it's him, and I know he's holding me. He's holding so tightly that I can't move and I can't breathe even though I can.

"Why?.." He whispers into the top of my head. "Why is it always raining, Itachi?"

I don't answer. I can't. I don't know what he wants me to say. Does he think I'm stupid? Does he think I'm crazy? He is still here, he didn't attack me back, he didn't defend himself. He just grabbed me and held me and wouldn't let go..

And he's bleeding too. He's really bleeding, on his chest where his unbuttoned shirt could not take the damage. Was that me? I made him bleed, I made him hurt. Why... Why am I crying harder? Why do I even care?

I breath in harshly and he twitches, as if he thinks he's hurt me. He releases that death grip on me but doesn't back away. I do that for him, I step back, and look. I just look at him. No disagreeing, no insults, no eye-rolling or scoffing.

I look at him so long that I don't remember what I'm looking at or for. But I can't stop. Because...

I do care.

I actually care.

I CARE about something!

I'm not dead.

Not anymore.

And... and...

"...Kisame.." I whisper. His eyes haven't left mine, but the seem to shimmer a bit. I look at him, finally after all this time I really look.

And I realize this man... He is so bright and beautiful and warm. My chest is clenching and I only cry more when I realize that the terrible breaking I felt wasn't my sanity at all. It was the barrier, the barrier that I made to keep out the sun. The wall that imprisoned me, the one that not only kept everythig out but also kept everything locked in.

It broke because I started to feel, because he made me feel. He is the sun and he made the horrible terrible unending rain go away.

I'm still alive.

I have been alive, just hiding...

But him... he wouldn't leave...

"It... it's not raining anymore..."


End file.
